Why narcissists treat you badly

A young woman feeling sad and stressed, sick and headache at home

Energy-Draining Relationships: Understanding Hurtful Dynamics


Ever been caught up with someone who emotionally hurts you over and over? You know, those folks who only care about themselves and couldn’t care less about how they affect others? Did they treat you poorly, even without reason? And when you opened up about how it hurt, did they even care? Let’s dive into that.

Narcissists’ Manipulative Tactics: Exploiting Empathy for Control

Empathy as it relates to narcissists is important to understand. These folks, don’t experience empathy like you might, instead, they view it as a means to an end. They’ll use whatever cognitive empathy they have to “read you” like a book and then turn that information against you. Crazy, right? And get this, while they’re busy using your empathy against you, they’re not exactly willing to offer any in return.

They are also wearing a mask, a facade, to cover up their lack of a genuine personality. From deflection to blame-shifting, the gaslighting will be the main form of communication you receive once a narcissist has begun any devaluation of you. They don’t even really need a valid reason to begin their attacks on your character, it is simply built into the way they relate to others who are close to them. Coming to grips with one important thing, a narcissistic person lacks empathy, is often a sticking point in the deeper understanding of narcissism for some survivors of abuse. Many people simply can not imagine a person could truly be that way. I am sorry to say,a narcissist truly does lack deep enough empathy which would allow them to care about others. What’s more, they avoid all accountability for the things they do that hurt you.

Boundaries? What Boundaries?

Oh, and let’s not forget about narcissists having respect for others’ boundaries. Or should I say, lack of boundaries? Narcissists not only stomp all over your boundaries, but they actually seem to enjoy doing it. To them, boundaries are like roadblocks to their control over you. So, they’ll push and push until they’ve got you right where they want you—under their thumb. It’s like they see boundaries as a challenge, a game to be won. The more you set boundaries, the more determined they become to break them down. It’s all part of their twisted mindset meant to keep you firmly within their grasp, to assert their dominance and control over every aspect of your life. So, buckle up, because with a narcissist, your boundaries are nothing more than hurdles in their race to domination. Relationships based on forced domination and coercive control, that are covertly created by narcissists who do not care about the well-being of others, can never be anything more than toxic!

Dealing with the Defenses

This brings us to the topic of deeper conversation and interpersonal relating. Ever tried to have a heart-to-heart with a narcissist? Yeah, good luck with that. Try to talk about anything that even slightly pokes at their ego, and bam! You’re met with walls of defensiveness. It’s like trying to talk to a brick wall sometimes. They’ll deflect, gaslight, and blame shift faster than you can say, “Hey, let’s have an honest conversation.” They’ll deflect, deny, and redirect blame with lightning speed, leaving you feeling unheard and invalidated. It’s a frustrating cycle where attempts at honesty and vulnerability are met with resistance, all in the name of preserving their fragile illusion of superiority. The worst part is, it draws you in. Your frustrations and feeling unheard often makes it feel impossible to find any peace or closure in the conversation. What does that do to you? This is where the darkness of the relationship leaves a lasting impact and you might begin to feel worn down, exhausted, checked out, betrayed, hurt and alone.

Seeing Through the Facade

None of this is about you1 It’s vital to understand that their behavior is an indication of their inner turmoil and refusal to grow as adult human beings. This is not a reflection of your worth. Peel back the layers of their facade, and you’ll uncover the truth, deep-seeded insecurities and self-doubt projected onto others plus a large dose of egotistical grandiosity. Take care of yourself, set those boundaries, and don’t let their defensive manipulation bring you down. You’re worth more than that.

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